Exercise Misconceptions (humor)

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it…don’t
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than
an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: How can I calculate my body fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating a regular exercise
program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good.

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: You’re not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
bad for you?

Q: What’s the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans …. another vegetable!!! It’s
the best feel good food around!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets. Now go have a cookie…flour is a veggie! If
swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.